Open The Door And Let In The Light

Open the door and let in the light.

For the past few months, this phrase has been running through my head. In moments when the static of everyday life quiets,

Open the door and let in the light.

At night, as I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep,

Open the door and let in the light.

When I’m zoned out, doing mindless tasks,

Open the door and let in the light.

Relentless, insistent, distinct,

Open the door and let in the light.

I’ve been off kilter lately. Nothing is really wrong. There is just no wind in my sails. I’m in the Doldrums, drifting along, no energy, no interest in anything, no inspiration. My brain feeling like a bowl of dried up stale corn flakes. My main activity (aside from what I need to do like work, laundry, food shop, etc.) has been binge watching “Orange Is The New Black” and eating chips. Oh, and cocktails.

But this voice, it insinuates itself into everything,

Open the door and let in the light.

I’ve tried all sorts of things to get out of this slump; meditation, counting my blessings, eating better, getting off artificial sweeteners, positive thinking. The list goes on and still – nothing. I was beginning to think that maybe this was the way my life was going to be for the foreseeable future. All the burning desire to write, to create, to be truer to who I am – gone. Like that. Pffft.

Open the door and let in the light.

Then this week, something changed. I stopped trying to fight my life. I accepted that maybe this is what should be happening right now.

When we were in Italy this spring, we climbed the tower at Pisa. It is quite a high tower. The stairs are steep, uneven, narrow and winding; a challenge for someone who sits on her rear all day. But I knew the view at the top would be worth it. You don’t climb the steps alone. There are people in front of you and people right behind you. You start up full of energy at a quick, steady pace. Pretty soon, your lungs start screaming and your legs shake. Fortunately, all the way up, there are tiny landings every so often. They are barely wide enough to accommodate two people and only if you press up against the wall. Thank goodness they were there; I needed them. At every one, I stopped and just stood quietly, breathing slowly, until my body and spirit were ready to go on. In this way, I made it to the top. The view was glorious.

Open the door and let in the light.

Whenever you try to bring change into your life, to grow, to awaken the power within, to release your creative spirit, you are climbing a steep path. I recognize that there will always be those who make this climb faster, with fewer stops just as there will be those who lag behind and some who will turn back altogether. But theirs is not my climb. I must listen to my inner voice and know when I need to stop and rest; to stop struggling against myself; to allow my spirit to gain strength to move forward.

Breath.

Accept where I am at that moment.

Quiet my impatience with myself.

And when I am ready,

Reach out and lift the latch.

Open the door and let in the light.

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